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To have an intimate connection with our self is a crazy rewarding thing. But maintaining a close connection with our self can be difficult, and finding our way back can seem elusive.
In this article, we are discussing the path of losing the connection to self. As well as giving insights into finding a path back to the true self that works for you.
Connection to Self.
First off, we all have a self. Of all of the world around us, we have our own seemingly minuscule perspective in a gigantic picture. In this perspective, we have thoughts, emotions, bodily impulses, ambitions, personality traits, and many other aspects that make us, us.
All of these aspects, though they may change, make up the current state of who we are. Though we should not confuse ourselves with any one of these aspects of ourselves. Getting too caught up in any of these, creates a too limited view of ourselves.
We are the totality of all these pieces of ourselves, each of them hopefully working well for us.
Having a connection with self comes from unconditional acceptance of all these little pieces. Meaning that we accept them when they show up, and experience them for what they are without being over judgmental about their nature.
For example, if anger is triggered inside me for some reason, I am now having the experience of anger. I am not this anger, but it is a piece of my current experience. There is no need to be dissatisfied with myself because this is my experience, I just need to feel it. The same goes for any emotion or any other impulses I am feeling whether they feel good or bad.
To Lose Our Connection.
To have a connection with self is to accept and feel our current experiences. Therefore to lose connection is to deny and neglect to feel our current experience.
We may lose our connection because we are too harshly judging our current state. It could also be because we are caught in resentment of ourselves or someone else. As well, it may entirely be because we don’t know ourselves very well.
Losing connection with ourselves is not a difficult thing to do. In fact, it is incredibly easy to lose ourselves, both momentarily, and for an extended period of time. In some cases, we may entirely forget what it is to have a connection with our self.
The Discomfort of Lost Self-connection.
To lose connection with self comes with varying degrees of discomfort. That discomfort may be noticeable, and maybe it will seem that nothing is at all wrong with our worlds. It generally shows up in our thoughts becoming negative and in our emotions feeling unpleasant.
If we don’t understand the purpose of that discomfort we may disregard coming back home. In these cases, we may mindlessly wander through life thinking we are meant to be nervous wrecks or have to be hopelessly depressed forever.
It is also the case that if we don’t understand that we have lost our self-connection we may mistake others for being the cause of our discomfort. Bringing discomfort to the lives of others because we don’t realize our lack of self-connection is the problem.
We, of course, don’t have to be in prolonged states of distress because of lack of self-connection. The discomfort of not being connected to ourselves if understood may warn us to come back home to our current experience and get our connection back.
How we can Connect with Self.
Getting back our connection to self is immensely important to our having mental and emotional contentment. But if we don’t know how to get there then getting there is a shot in the dark.
Here are some ideas we can use for getting back to a connection with self. Which can no doubt help us maintain this connection as well.
1. Think in Ways that Supports Connection to Self.
There are thoughts that can aid our having a connection with self and those that make it pretty much impossible.
Thoughts that are overly judgmental do not support self-connection. Because these types of thoughts are, at least the vast majority of the time, not reality.
The types of thinking that best aids in self-connection are those that are laced with self-respect and self-honesty. We need to see reality, but we don’t need to treat ourselves poorly through the process.
When we find that our thoughts are turning overly negative and judgmental we can be sure we are at least a little disconnected. Taking some steps to return them to a more self-loving state is more than beneficial at this stage.
Here is a related article on returning our thoughts to a more self-loving state.
2. Develop Emotional Intelligence.
With emotional intelligence comes the ability to understand our emotions, identify them, and express them in healthy ways. We are emotional beings, these impulses serve an important purpose in our lives.
They let us know when we are on a healthy path to getting what we desire, or not. They let us know if we are currently in a state of connection with ourselves, as well as when there is a disconnect.
By knowing how to decipher what we are feeling, we can tell what our state of self-connection is. We can learn what needs are being neglected and take care of them. The main tools that I go to for learning about my emotions are therapeutic writing, chatting with trusted people and through reading books.
Another great tool a friend showed me is a needs worksheet. One part of the worksheet is an inventory of our needs. The second part is to educate us on what emotions arise when our needs are satisfied and when too many are being neglected.
These lists have been quite helpful over the years.
3. Spend Time Feeling the Sensations in our Bodies.
A door that is always present for entering into a connection with self is through the sensations in our bodies.
If there are feelings of pent up stress or other unpleasant feelings, giving our bodily impulses some non-judgmental attention works wonders.
Simply put attention on the area of our bodies that are feeling stress and gently breathe into them. If it feels uncomfortable, just work at not judging that sensation as being a nuisance. The impulses are just expressing themselves. Often times, unless there is a serious medical problem, the stress being stored in that area will relax away.
Through this process, we are slowing ourselves down enough to experience a deep sense of self-connection. This self-connection happens as we allow ourselves to be in the moment without judgment.
4. Practice Self-acceptance.
Without self-acceptance, there is no self-connection. Through self-acceptance, our bodies are given permission to be exactly what they are.
You may have a couple of questions now. Such as. “Hey, what if my current state is unacceptable? If I accept something about myself that is unacceptable, will that piece of me ever change?”
The answer is this. Acceptance of this current moment as it is a requirement for healthy change. Through acceptance, connection to self allows clarity into what needs attention, and what is best left alone.
Accepting ourselves as is, is an act of self-love, of self-respect. When feeling loved and respected we grow and change naturally. The unhealthy eventually vanishes, and the healthy flourishes.
Through acceptance of ourselves, the sane self within is able to work it’s magic.
5. Relax on Comparing Ourselves to Others.
Getting trapped in comparing ourselves can be a terribly painful experience. But we all compare ourselves to others, in fact, it is a natural thing for our brains to do. These comparisons help us learn about ourselves. They help us come to terms with what we desire and don’t desire for our lives.
There may be something to learn from comparing ourselves to others, but it can be a slippery slope. We are adequate exactly how we are. The treatment of our current experience as good enough is peace and gratitude-inducing. It settles us into a beautiful state of connection to self.
Maybe we will go get what those people have in a healthy way, maybe we won’t. Either way, we can treat ourselves as the intelligent, resourceful, ambitious and sufficient people we truly are. When we treat ourselves as such, we will likely gain an incredible amount of motivation to obtain all the healthy experiences we desire.
Well, that is all we have for today and thank you so much for stopping into My Life Experiment. What is written here has come from struggle and growth.
We sincerely wish you amazing success on finding a maintaining a healthy connection with Self. We truly believe that if you take today’s lessons to heart and apply them, that you will greatly benefit.
If you enjoyed what you read then I would love for you to do a couple things for us.
- If you would like to help support this website by offsetting some of the costs of running it. There is a PayPal button below or in the right sidebar, depending on if you are viewing with mobile or by computer.
- Join our email list to Enroll in our Free 7 Day Impulse Negotiation Email Course! The course will help you stop pesky unwanted behaviors, as well as develop a healthier relationship with your bodily impulses.
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Welcome! We are Travis and Casey Hagen, the writer’s and owner’s of My Life Experiment. As recovering Individuals, we are no strangers to leaving behind dysfunctional ways of living. Over the years we have become adept at managing our intense mental and emotional worlds. Finding healing from the past, peace in the present and new ways to bring about success for our futures. We promote Healthy Life Experimentation Principles for connecting with ourselves, our relationships, and finding healthier ways of bringing about success in our lives. Stick around and pick up what we have learned. You will not be disappointed.
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