Don’t all of us need some compassionate attention from time to time?
We all have times when feelings are heavy. In these times I deeply believe that being too rough on ourselves isn’t in your or my best interest. What is in our best interests is attending to the emotions so we can back to living as productively as possible.
This is exactly where giving ourselves positive and compassionate attention comes into play. We can all use a little bit more of it. But we don’t have to wait around for others to give it to us, we need to make sure we give this gift to ourselves.
To Give Our Attention.
When we give our attention we are offering up a powerfully creative human faculty. It is truly no joke. What we place our attention on is where our creative energies will flow.
But not all attention is created equal or creates equally. The nature of the emotion and intention given through our attention ultimately decides the nature of our creations.
Our attention can create beauty as well as destruction. It can build-up, as well as tear down.
This is true no matter where we give our attention; whether that be in our jobs, families, friendships, and for the sake of this article, yourself and myself.
Self Compassionate Attention.
Like I said there are all sorts of different types of attention we can give. But in my experience, there is already enough focus in the world today on criticizing and tearing things down. Giving our impulses a little more positive attention can help us have a personal safe haven in a world that is obsessed with focusing on what’s wrong.
To show yourself compassionate attention is show up and attend to the reality of your present state of being. Not just showing up to focus on what is wrong though, but to focus on building yourself up, and taking care of business. It is a posture of our being that embraces bodily impulse with active listening, active blessing, and productive action.
Compassionate attention is about healing. When you heal emotionally you might be surprised at what you are led to do.
Your emotions need your attention. You aren’t weak for having them, in fact, there is a great deal of personal strength to be found through acknowledging and respecting them.
These important pieces of ourselves deserve the respect of our compassionate attention. By respecting them, you will find it much easier to respect yourself and be yourself.
Self-compassion for a Healthy Self-Relationship.
Showing ourselves compassionate attention is a way to develop a healthy relationship with our emotional impulses.
But why should you want to have a healthy relationship with these emotions?
Well, most of all they are great teachers. They hold the lessons of our lives. Without getting in touch with them, we are not able to fully come to know who we are.
Without coming to know ourselves we are left to wander throughout life. Maybe you will stumble your way into a successful situation from time to time without the discernment we achieve through self-knowledge. But from a healthy relationship with these impulses, you will be able to be more intentional and on point with the life decisions you make.
5 Aspects of Showing Yourself Compassionate Attention.
There are some great reasons to practice compassionate attention, but you may be wondering how to do so.
Well lucky you, I have some sound information to help. Just keep reading.
1. Slow Your Roll.
Often times when we come to realize our impulses, they just don’t feel right. We may not feel all that in control of ourselves. Thoughts may be moving through our brains at an uncomfortable speed. You may find yourself being overly critical of self and others.
In this state, we need to slow our damn roll. I have sponsored many addicts throughout my recovery that have a problem with obsessing. Many times I have let one know that “it is time to revoke your thinking pass.” I know the danger of continuing thought processes when obsession is present because I have the same problem to deal with.
Now I know many of you reading this aren’t addicts, but from time to time every human spends some time stuck on being too hard on themselves. So slow your roll, take some deep breathes, put your mind on something else.
Getting back to a healthy place always begins with this act of self-compassion.
2. Surrender Self Directed Anger.
Anger is a natural part of life. But there is most certainly healthy outlets for anger, as well as unhealthy.
Letting the voice in your head put you down when feeling rough may feel difficult to stop. But it is also necessary and brings tremendous value for living a self-respectful life for which we can be truly proud.
To surrender this self-directed anger means doing a couple things.
First of all, you need to stop behaving in ways that are creating bad consequences for yourself and others. Next, you need to watch your mind. You need to keep your mind from getting overly negative. Not allowing it to become trapped in treating yourself and others negatively inside of that brain of yours.
You may believe there are no negative consequences from allowing negative thoughts to flow through your head. Maybe you believe that nobody gets hurt until they come out into reality. Are you kidding me? Negative cycles of thought allowed to fester inside our own heads are the root of all personal problems.
3. Focus on The Positives.
Focusing on the positives is a powerfully self-compassionate tool. Maybe they are the positives about ourselves. But it is also compassionate to our own troubled impulses, to take our attention off of them, and focus on something positive outside of ourselves.
When attempting to give attention to the positives, it may feel highly unnatural. When pissed off or sad, it is usually easier to overdo those emotions than to shift them to something to appreciate or be grateful for.
Everything good in our lives takes work. It doesn’t take much effort to focus on the negative, that comes naturally to many individuals like myself.
4. Give Yourself some Self-care.
To give ourselves self-care can be many different things. Sometimes self-care means detachment from certain responsibilities. Other times it is stepping up to take care of responsibility in a way we have been avoiding. A routine of self-care should be full of both of these aspects.
For our purpose here, to give ourselves compassionate attention is to be with our emotions in a way that fully respects them.
Maybe that comes through meditation, yoga, therapeutic writing or working out. It may come from a walk through nature. Whatever way you keep from judging your emotions too harshly, and appreciating their presence is beautifully self-compassionate.
5. Change what Needs to Change.
Often times though not every time, our troubled emotions are telling us to go forward and get shit done. Neglecting to take care of our responsibilities, in a sense, is a form of punishment performed on ourselves.
When we are able to slow our minds down and get in touch with ourselves, we will come to know what we should be doing. After knowing what we should be doing, the only compassionate thing to do is to get it done!
Not all compassionate attention involves focusing on emotions that are troubled. Much of getting in touch with emotions is to understand what we need to change in our lives. And in my experience, there is always something to change or improve.
Allowing our healthy impulses to live productively through us is a thing of beauty. It creates a sense of great satisfaction to know we are living on purpose and succeeding at being ourselves.
Well, that is all we have for today and thank you so much for stopping into My Life Experiment. What is written here has come from struggle and growth.
We sincerely wish you amazing success in regularly showing yourself the compassionate attention that you deserve. I offer you the challenge of applying what you have read here, as well as experimenting with your own healthy ways of attending to yourself compassionately.
We truly believe that if you take today’s lessons to heart and apply them, that you will greatly benefit.
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