Being angry can often be seen as something that is not okay.
But experiencing anger is a completely natural thing. It is a natural emotion but also a potentially troubling one that can cause many problems.
Today I will share with you some understanding for why we get angry, and practical advice for snapping out of it when we really don’t need to be.
Getting Angry is a Natural Protector from Threat.
Anger is an emotion that is completely natural. If it wasn’t natural, we wouldn’t be having it as an experience at all.
So why do you get angry? In the simplest explanation, you perceive that an aspect of yourself (mental, physical, emotional) or relationships are under threat. You feel yourself or the ones you love are exposed, vulnerable, at risk. So your self-protection system kicks into gear to ensure safety.
It can be helpful to think of anger as a protector of boundaries, a guard dog, a watchman. If there is any kind of uninvited threat sensed, we will be alerted. And our energies will rally to find the best way to protect what feels threatened.
The World’s Part in our Problem.
Of course, there are flat out shitty aspects to the world that we live in. Obscenely ridiculous things are going on in the world that would strike anger in most people.
There are a tremendous amount of threats to ourselves and the relationships we most deeply care about. Even aspects of the world that don’t seem to immediately affect us, may affect negatively for years to come. Examples of this are dirty politicians enacting harmful policies, or the weather causing us unwanted problems.
Let’s not forget that there are people that cross our boundaries or those of our loved ones, frequently. For the most part, we cannot control what people do, outside of ending a life in some manner I suppose.
What we do have some control over though, is how we respond to the way the world treats us. Which means learning to communicate with our angry impulses to understand what they were sent to do.
Who is Responsible for Our Being Angry?
If you are feeling angry most of the time or just some of the time, why is that? From my perspective, it is because you don’t feel safe. Maybe you aren’t even aware that you don’t feel safe. You may just think you’re angry and don’t understand why. It must be that idiots fault, or that idiot, right?
We certainly don’t get angry for no reason, even if that reason is unreasonable. But how many people understand that in the majority of circumstances, we are the perpetrators of our own angry feelings?
Often times the first reaction that comes when our anger is provoked is to look for someone to blame. And sure, other people may trigger our anger, but they are not in the least bit responsible for it. The responsibility for our anger lies in ourselves.
Why and How to Take Responsibility for Being Angry.
Anger is creative energy. If used responsibly it will show us what needs to be done. The emotion doesn’t care that some politician just made it more difficult to make a living, the energy of anger is pushing us to clear a path to make one anyway.
It doesn’t care that someone stole an item that you loved. The energies are merely solving the problem of how it happened and how to keep it from happening again.
With all of the B.S in the world, I hope that it is obvious to you that just because your anger is provoked often, that you are not a victim to the outside world.
1. Seek to Accept Responsibility.
Without accepting responsibility for being angry, we are essentially out of our own control. To seek responsibility is to say “okay that really sparked my anger. Now how did I leave myself open to allow that to happen”?
It certainly may be difficult to ask yourself this question in the heat of the moment. Especially if someone did harm to you. But the more you open yourself to seeking the answer to this question, the better off you will be.
2. Learn from Anger.
There is always a reason that you’re angry. Even if that reason is completely unreasonable, or even delusional.
Of course, you may also be angry for a completely sound reason as well. If someone harms or is seeking to cause harm to what you feel responsibility for, you should feel angry. Not feeling angry in times like these make it look like you don’t care at all.
But whatever the reason, finding out what the anger has to teach us can take a crappy situation and allow us to get the most out of it.
Maybe you learn that your personal boundaries sucked and allowed you to be taken advantage.
It could be that you will find out you need to work on rejection or need to assert your needs in a way you weren’t aware of. Find the reason for that anger, take responsibility for changing what needs to be changed so that it doesn’t happen again.
3. Solve the Problem that Caused the Anger to Arise.
Anger is not necessarily a pleasant emotion. I think some people get off on it, but for the most part human beings like it much.
But if it is here, it is here to create change. If you can be present for it and take responsibility for its presence you are in good shape.
Gandhi stated that “we need to be the change we want to see in the world”. I believe what he is saying is that pointing the finger at everyone else to change will not be helpful. He is saying that we want something done, we will likely have to bring about that change ourselves. And since this is Gandhi, it should be done with non-violent means.
I repeat, there is always a reason for our being angry. But that doesn’t mean we know what it is or how to change it. That is where doing our due-diligence in self-exploration comes into play.
To figure it out we may have to dig deep within ourselves through therapeutic writing, mediation or whatever other healthy methods you use to make sense of your life. We may have to enlist the support of people we trust or read some books on the area we are struggling in.
But whatever needs to be done, the answer is likely right inside our own skin.
- Photo by Bethany Laird on Unsplash
Closing Thoughts.
To echo the beginning of this article, having our anger triggered is a natural thing. Anger is a natural part of the human condition that will teach how to protect ourselves, and bring about creative solutions to what troubles us.
Much of our life energy lives in our anger, respect it, love it, heal it. It is through this process that we find out who we are and how to best take care of ourselves. But be careful about what is said or done in the heat of an angry moment. Our anger is best used to benefit the world rather than to make ourselves enemies of those who could help us.
Well, that is all we have for today and thank you so much for stopping in to My Life Experiment. What is written here has come from struggle and growth.
We sincerely wish you amazing success in gaining the creative benefits of taking responsibility for what angers you. I offer you the challenge of applying what you have read here, as well as experimenting with your own healthy ways of getting the most out of angry feelings. If you take today’s lessons to heart and apply them, you will greatly benefit.
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