Good morning everyone! So, if you read my last post you may remember that I set the Intention to cultivate gratitude to see if it helps me stay more alert and connected to my life. I decided that for every day of the experiment, I would also make sure to add a blog post the day after (hopefully first thing in the morning), to update any things I am noticing about the process.
Yesterday I spent my first day writing my morning to-do list and gratitude list, and taking time outs for gratitude meditation. I ended up waking a little earlier than normal to write my daily lists, I was somewhat groggy, but brewed up the coffee, fed the cats, and got down to “brass tax”. Generally, I would like to sleep in for as long as I can in the morning, because it feels great! Maybe the other reason is like my wife says, “because we will be parents soon and we won’t be sleeping much anymore!”
While I was writing the lists, I had a familiar feeling but a very good one. First of all let me show you an example of the first gratitude I wrote. “I am truly grateful that I get to wake up in this beautiful new home of ours every morning! I adore living here. As I walk around to our different rooms and see what Casey and I now own, I feel a ton of gratitude. It is such a gift to live here”. Suffice it to say after writing five of these (note that I set out to do 10), I was feeling comfortable and ready to start my day.
You may have noticed that I didn’t end up writing as many things to be grateful for as I set out to do. I am alright with this because even writing just five of them worked very well for me. I also didn’t find the time to take my ten to fifteen minutes to meditate in the afternoon. Although I did find little moments throughout the afternoon to take a few deep breaths, relax, and think about what there is too appreciate! That worked great, but I will be getting to the routine as planned, tomorrow. Though by going off track from the routine I was reminded how powerful taking a couple of good breaths is for getting myself back to the moment!
At the end of my night I got back into the experiment as planned. I laid down, closed my eyes, did some relaxed breathing, and for roughly 15 minutes I allowed the things I appreciated about the day to flow through my mind. It was a great way to end my night. When something came to my mind that felt like it added more pressure to the moment (such as scheduling issues, money issues, etc..), I reminded myself that I would get back to taking care of that issue tomorrow. I ended my day grateful, then dozed off and slept like a baby!
So day one was a positive experience, I seem to be honing my routine still, which is good. Today I am off on the right track and I will tell you more about it tomorrow! Thanks for checking out “My Life Experiment” once again or for the first time! Now here is a recap of some of the benefits I noticed from this process yesterday!
-I woke up early just to get my lists done.
-I found myself naturally coming to use my breathing to keep me in the moment.
-I found myself thinking of more ways to be grateful for throughout the day.
Hello again folks, thanks for stopping in! So, after completing the last experiment, something has been on my mind. Over the last couple day’s I have been thinking about how the decision and commitment to find more qualities to appreciate, seemed to frame my mind to see more qualities to appreciate. It also gave me a little boost of energy, put me in a better mood, and made life a little more interesting to live. There is something very cool about that!
For me, it seems that I can spend a little too much time not paying close enough attention to what I am doing. It is too damn easy for me to get locked into my daily or even weekly routine and then basically go into autopilot with what is coming up next. Autopilot works alright for keeping things maintained for a while. But before long I find myself very bored, even stressed out, and probably a little more moody.
Thankfully over the last several months my wife and I have made quite a few decisions that have created more way more challenges to deal with. They are beautiful challenges, but they are challenging nonetheless! I had a job change. We just moved into a new house with a nice new mortgage to pay, and we have our first baby coming in just a couple months! With these new changes there really isn’t much room for me to be day dreaming and going into autopilot mode.
I am happy to say that I am making the firm decision to use these opportunities to wake myself up to a better, more mindful way of living. The stakes are getting higher now, and there is no way I am slipping back into my comfort zone!
Now, back to framing my mind with my decisions, or I think I would rather call it “Setting Intention.” Over the next week I am “Setting the Intention” that I will pay better attention to my daily affairs. I will be more awake and aware of the options around me, the gifts they are, and the gifts that will come from them. In order to do this I am going to piggy back on “The Compliment Experiment” and work on staying in a state of gratitude in order to keep myself focused on the goodies that may be coming throughout my day.
For the next week I intend to take at least 3 opportunities throughout my day to cultivate gratitude.
In the morning, before I do anything else (aside from getting myself some coffee, and the cats some food) I will write a short To-do List to help get me focused on what is coming up in my day. Then I will write 5 things I am grateful for and WHY I am grateful for them. This routine is similar to a process I used for roughly 4 years that brought great benefits into my life, I welcome it back with open arms.
In the afternoon I will take a brief break to close my eyes and meditate for 10 minutes to do a little run through about the things there were to appreciate throughout my morning. Then I will say a heart felt thank you for all the good things there are to come.
Before I go to bed I will give another 10 to 15 minutes to give some thought to the things I have appreciated throughout the day. Then I will say a heart felt thank you for all of the good things that will be showing up tomorrow.
Like I said I will be partaking in this experiment for the next week. For the next week I will write short updates on any cool things I am noticing about the process. Also, I may post some articles about about routines I that currently bring positive results into my life that once started as experiments, but now are just what I do. Thank you for checking out “My Life Experiment”. If you feel like participating in this experiment with me, feel free! If you do participate, I would love to hear about your experience in the comments section. One week from today I will post the “Gratitude Intention” on Wednesday January 10th!
Welcome back to My Life Experiment! If you are returning to read this blog, you may remember that I decided to partake in a “Compliment Experiment.” If you have not been here before and want to know what I am talking about, please check out the last article “Time to Open Myself Up with the Compliment Experiment” to get filled in. I wrote the “Compliment Experiment” article 5 days ago, that gave me 5 days to focus on giving more and better-quality compliments to people around me.
During the 5 days of the experiment I did find it was easier to compliment others at times, and at other times it just wasn’t going to happen. There were times where I simply could not think about anything else other keeping myself from freaking out (let alone compliment someone)! There were other times where the compliments came out easily, with a smile. As well, a couple of times I worked myself through with a struggle and came out feeling great!
Just yesterday I finally found out that the lady that helped me total my car, in fact, does not have car insurance. After getting that news, I found it very difficult to give any compliments. I was pissed off. Offering pleasantries felt against the grain, but I kept the experiment in mind and started looking for some opportunities to give compliments. I complimented a friend of mine, my wife, and then I just started complimenting myself in my thoughts. What started out as a very difficult emotional state, eventually worked into me feeling great.
In the last article I mentioned the process of saying three positive things after saying something critical about somebody. As I paid attention to myself I found that I critique things pretty much constantly, much of the time out loud to people, but far more often inside of my own skull. It is actually pretty overwhelming to think how often my mind goes for the negative (for whatever reason that is). Pointing out too many “flaws” in people (myself included) doesn’t really lead to very happy relationships! That probably isn’t a shocker to many people, but hey I guess I am a slow learner at times.
I feel that this experiment has helped me see a method for developing more appreciation for any relationship that I am a part of with others, myself, my job or life itself. This experiment did not tell me that I shouldn’t be critiquing any person or thing in my world (since a critique can help see something that needs to be fixed). But it has shown me that if I desire to be a grateful person, with happy relationships, that I better be filling up my relationships with appreciation for the qualities I enjoy.
The experiment also showed me a high-quality method for processing my emotions and keeping myself healthy, growing, and becoming more efficient. As well, it showed me that when I’m alone with myself and talking about myself, that it is just as important to be giving myself enough compliments. Quite often, I am definitely my own worst critic, and that it is much easier to notice the qualities I enjoy in others when I am grounded in the recognition of my own. And last of all, sometimes I am not going to be able to see the good in hardly anything but I don’t have to be too harsh on myself even if I cannot..
Thanks for checking out “My Life Experiment”, I feel that I know myself a little bit better after writing it. And now you probably know me quite a lot better! Now stay tuned because there is always something new to work on, and I look forward to having you read about my next challenge! If you have any questions are insights feel free to leave a comment!
How important is it to give compliments? That is exactly what this article is all about.
This was exactly my question after I was in a car accident with a gal that may or may not had insurance. After that accident, I started realizing that the emotions I was feeling were making it too easy to get snippy with those close to me (such as my wife and a couple of close friends). So I realized that I needed to do something about how I was feeling.
An idea occurred to me to possibly help with these emotions, as well as to find some evidence for a future path through similar aggressive feelings.
I decided that I would roughly concoct a little compliment experiment. An experiment where I would focus on sharing more compliments with whomever I come into contact with, and especially those close to me.
Be Aggressive, Do Nothing Or Compliment?
I once read a psychological study where the researcher set participants up to feel unwanted emotions, and then gave them outlets for processing them.
One group was advised to punch a punching bag, they also were advised to think about blasting someone who angered them with a blow horn. The other group was given a much more low key option, to basically sit and do nothing. These were all used to see if one, more than the other were more effective in getting participants out of feelings of aggression.
The study found that acting aggressively did not actually help the emotional processing. They found that doing nothing was actually more effective.
With this information, I have to believe that if doing nothing is more effective at processing anger and other similar emotions, then doing something positive, like complimenting others will be even better.
Complementing Rather more than Critiquing.
I was given the advice one time from my recovery sponsor that “for every critique of a life instance, you should give at least 3 positives.” The relevance of this advice can be seen clearly though, it comes down to building up my relationships instead of tearing them down.
Giving compliments can be an especially difficult thing to do when the energies of painful thoughts and emotions are present. Often times emotions like these are looking to be aggressive, either subtly or blatantly causing trouble for others.
It can be difficult to give compliments when feeling hurt. But it seems that being positive when not feeling positive, can allow for processing of the emotion.
The wisdom of the above psychological study is that emotions aren’t most effectively processed with aggressive intent and action.
What is needed is a better way, which is where complimenting others comes into the picture.
The Compliment Experiment.
Over two weeks time my mission was to be complimenting. I complimented others, myself, and life itself. I ran with the idea of saying 3 complimentary ideas for every critique.
I didn’t perform a study in which I logged each time I gave a compliment or didn’t, or how many were given in each day. No, I simply went out with the mission of giving many more compliments than I was accustomed to and checked in on how I felt at the end of the night.
Results of the Experiment.
Interestingly enough, around the conclusion of this experiment, I finally found out that the lady that totaled my car the week before didn’t have car insurance.
After getting that news, I found it very difficult to give compliments. Offering pleasantries felt against the grain. But I kept the experiment in mind and started looking for opportunities to allow the world around me to know that they are appreciated. I complimented a friend of mine, my wife, and then I just started complimenting myself in my thoughts.
What started out as a very difficult emotional state, eventually worked into me feeling better. I, of course, didn’t walk around crapping rainbows, but I didn’t sink into an mental-emotional turmoil. There were certainly angry feelings to deal with, but they didn’t cause any problems.
There are some aspects to my impulses that I hadn’t seen quite as clearly before this experiment. First, it is far easier to critique than it is to give compliments. And Second, there is always a compliment to be given if the willingness to do so is there.
This experiment has given a clear method for developing more life satisfaction, and a route to bring me back to being grateful. It taught that it is much easier to feel better when that piece of the brain that is far too critical, gets a chance a shut up. The experiment also showed me a high-quality method for processing my emotions and keeping myself healthy, growing, and becoming more efficient.
As well, it showed me that when I’m alone with myself and talking about myself, it is just as important to be giving myself enough compliments. Quite often, we are our own worst critics, and it is much easier to notice the qualities I enjoy in others when I am grounded in the recognition of my own.
That is all we have for today and thank you so much for stopping in to My Life Experiment. What is written here has come from struggle and growth.
We sincerely wish you amazing success in getting the benefits of being a complimentary person. I offer you the challenge of applying what you have read here, as well as experimenting with your own healthy process for using compliments to help find your way into feeling better.
We truly believe that if you take today’s lessons to heart and apply them, that you will greatly benefit. If you enjoyed what you read then I would love for you to do a couple things for us.
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Welcome! We are Travis and Casey Hagen, the writer’s and owner’s of My Life Experiment. As recovering Individuals, we are no strangers to leaving behind dysfunctional ways of living. Over the years we have become adept at managing our intense mental and emotional worlds. Finding healing from the past, peace in the present and new ways to bring about success for our futures. Life is meant to be lived. That is why we promote Healthy Life Experimentation Principles for connecting with ourselves, our relationships, and finding healthier ways of bringing about success in our lives. Stick around and pick up what we have learned. You will not be disappointed.
Welcome back to My Life Experiment! So in my last post “Totaling the Car and Gaining a Lesson” I touched on how i was going through a rough time dealing with getting my car totaled by someone that might not have insurance. Ive been going through this, as well getting charged for an extra months rent at the old apartment after missing a deadline by a couple of hours. Over Christmas i started realizing that the emotions I was feeling were making it too easy to get snippy with those close to me (such as my wife and a couple close friends). So I realized that I needed to do something about how I was feeling. A solution that came to me is that I am going to focus on sharing more compliments with whomever i come into contact with, and especially those close to me.
I was given the advice one time that “for every critique you have to give you should say at least 3 positives.” This an especially difficult thing for me to do when I have something that is painful to process. I certainly see the relevance of this advice though, it comes down to building up the my relationships instead of tearing them down.
It can be difficult for me to give compliments when feeling hurt. It seems like being positive when not feeling positive, forces me through processing the emotion. Also, acting out on the painful feeling is an attempt to process it, but an attempt that is mostly a fruitless one. I once read a psychological study where the researcher set participants up to feel unwanted emotions, and then gave them outlets for processing them. The options given were to either knock around a punching bag or some other object, or to basically ride it out without the option of aggression in getting a participant to a more positive emotional place. The study found that acting aggressively did not actually help the emotional processing, and that doing nothing was actually more effective. I don’t believe its a stretch to say that if the participants were set up to give compliments after having the emotions pulled up, that it would be more effective than either aggression or doing nothing.
So my experiment over the next couple of days is to amp up the amount and quality of compliments i offer up, and see what kind of differences I feel as a result. I am hesitant to give out more compliments, since part of me is wanting to lick its wounds and emotionally hide instead of move on to the next right thing. But ultimately what i really desire is to move forward with my life and focus on building myself and others up.
In my next article i will let you know how the “Compliment Experiment” goes and then we will move on to whatever experiment comes to mind next! So come back and join me in my journey as I seek more knowledge on how to live my life as effectively and enjoyably as possible!
I was starting this blog to talk about the ways I intentionally make changes to the ways I engage my life. But for this post I feel I need to touch on a situation where the world around me has brought the change to me, whether I want it or not. Now I am left to figure out the best way to handle it, or let it handle me.
While driving to work last night a gal at a stop sign didn’t see that I was coming down the road, so she tried to speed across the intersection. I seen her too late, I slammed on the brakes but the 30 to 50 feet was not enough to slow my car down enough to keep from hitting her. So Bam, and here I have my first experience with air bags going off! Thankfully only vehicles were harmed in this process. I was my usually friendly self when we got out of the vehicles and chatted, I even felt empathy for her. Today I have not felt the same sentiment as I did the other day!
Today I started seeking to file a claim with the ladies insurance company. While chatting with the company she gave the police as her provider, the guy couldn’t match the policy number to the vehicle. I began to get the “oh shit” feeling before he told me much of anything from his end. Now they need to do an investigation into if they have that car insured through them or not. I am left to wonder if I am getting “the short end of the stick.”
The longer the day went on the more I began realizing how much this could suck for my new family and I’s financial standing. This escalated to the point where I was interested in throwing things out of my wife’s car window (since my car is out of commission) at passing vehicles. I am generally not an angry dude, but the helplessness in a situation like this gets my blood flowing because there is nothing I can really do about it. But I also have quite a lot of energy that likes to flow to solving problems! Now this problem solving energy goes directly to fuel my growing rage.
These wildly emotional times are challenging for me, but also have been great catalysts for growth in the past (as long as I don’t act out in ways I might regret). I don’t know how this situation is going to turn out, I sure hope she has insurance though! But if she doesn’t, it will just be another one of life’s challenges that helps to build my character. This experiment was brought to me, but I get to make it my own and learn as much as possible.
Thanks for checking me out! Please follow and stayed tuned for more of My Life Experiment!