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How important is it to give compliments? That is exactly what this article is all about.
This was exactly my question after I was in a car accident with a gal that may or may not had insurance. After that accident, I started realizing that the emotions I was feeling were making it too easy to get snippy with those close to me (such as my wife and a couple of close friends). So I realized that I needed to do something about how I was feeling.
An idea occurred to me to possibly help with these emotions, as well as to find some evidence for a future path through similar aggressive feelings.
I decided that I would roughly concoct a little compliment experiment. An experiment where I would focus on sharing more compliments with whomever I come into contact with, and especially those close to me.
Be Aggressive, Do Nothing Or Compliment?
I once read a psychological study where the researcher set participants up to feel unwanted emotions, and then gave them outlets for processing them.
One group was advised to punch a punching bag, they also were advised to think about blasting someone who angered them with a blow horn. The other group was given a much more low key option, to basically sit and do nothing. These were all used to see if one, more than the other were more effective in getting participants out of feelings of aggression.
The study found that acting aggressively did not actually help the emotional processing. They found that doing nothing was actually more effective.
With this information, I have to believe that if doing nothing is more effective at processing anger and other similar emotions, then doing something positive, like complimenting others will be even better.
Complementing Rather more than Critiquing.
I was given the advice one time from my recovery sponsor that “for every critique of a life instance, you should give at least 3 positives.” The relevance of this advice can be seen clearly though, it comes down to building up my relationships instead of tearing them down.
Giving compliments can be an especially difficult thing to do when the energies of painful thoughts and emotions are present. Often times emotions like these are looking to be aggressive, either subtly or blatantly causing trouble for others.
It can be difficult to give compliments when feeling hurt. But it seems that being positive when not feeling positive, can allow for processing of the emotion.
The wisdom of the above psychological study is that emotions aren’t most effectively processed with aggressive intent and action.
What is needed is a better way, which is where complimenting others comes into the picture.
The Compliment Experiment.
Over two weeks time my mission was to be complimenting. I complimented others, myself, and life itself. I ran with the idea of saying 3 complimentary ideas for every critique.
I didn’t perform a study in which I logged each time I gave a compliment or didn’t, or how many were given in each day. No, I simply went out with the mission of giving many more compliments than I was accustomed to and checked in on how I felt at the end of the night.
Results of the Experiment.
Interestingly enough, around the conclusion of this experiment, I finally found out that the lady that totaled my car the week before didn’t have car insurance.
After getting that news, I found it very difficult to give compliments. Offering pleasantries felt against the grain. But I kept the experiment in mind and started looking for opportunities to allow the world around me to know that they are appreciated. I complimented a friend of mine, my wife, and then I just started complimenting myself in my thoughts.
What started out as a very difficult emotional state, eventually worked into me feeling better. I, of course, didn’t walk around crapping rainbows, but I didn’t sink into an mental-emotional turmoil. There were certainly angry feelings to deal with, but they didn’t cause any problems.
There are some aspects to my impulses that I hadn’t seen quite as clearly before this experiment. First, it is far easier to critique than it is to give compliments. And Second, there is always a compliment to be given if the willingness to do so is there.
This experiment has given a clear method for developing more life satisfaction, and a route to bring me back to being grateful. It taught that it is much easier to feel better when that piece of the brain that is far too critical, gets a chance a shut up. The experiment also showed me a high-quality method for processing my emotions and keeping myself healthy, growing, and becoming more efficient.
As well, it showed me that when I’m alone with myself and talking about myself, it is just as important to be giving myself enough compliments. Quite often, we are our own worst critics, and it is much easier to notice the qualities I enjoy in others when I am grounded in the recognition of my own.
That is all we have for today and thank you so much for stopping in to My Life Experiment. What is written here has come from struggle and growth.
We sincerely wish you amazing success in getting the benefits of being a complimentary person. I offer you the challenge of applying what you have read here, as well as experimenting with your own healthy process for using compliments to help find your way into feeling better.
We truly believe that if you take today’s lessons to heart and apply them, that you will greatly benefit. If you enjoyed what you read then I would love for you to do a couple things for us.
- If you would like to help support this website by offsetting some of the costs of running it. There is a PayPal button below or in the right sidebar, depending on if you are viewing with mobile or by computer.
- Join our email list to Enroll in our Free 7 Day Impulse Negotiation Email Course! The course will help you stop pesky unwanted behaviors, as well as develop a healthier relationship with your bodily impulses.
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Welcome! We are Travis and Casey Hagen, the writer’s and owner’s of My Life Experiment. As recovering Individuals, we are no strangers to leaving behind dysfunctional ways of living. Over the years we have become adept at managing our intense mental and emotional worlds. Finding healing from the past, peace in the present and new ways to bring about success for our futures. Life is meant to be lived. That is why we promote Healthy Life Experimentation Principles for connecting with ourselves, our relationships, and finding healthier ways of bringing about success in our lives. Stick around and pick up what we have learned. You will not be disappointed.
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