Quit Numbing Your Ambitious Energy.

There is a great deal of ambitious energy that naturally seeks to create in the world through us.

Neglecting to use this energy brings pain, and a desire to numb out and escape this pain. Though numbing out this pain may temporarily help with the pain, it also has other undesirable consequences.

My Painful History of Numbing out Dreams.

I remember when I was in the heart of being a using addict. There was a paralyzed feeling when it came to attempting anything that may better my life. This came from years of letting myself and others down. For me, to dream was to come face to face with the reality of how hopeless I felt.

This also happened before using chemicals ever came into the picture. Though early on it wasn’t such a paralyzed feeling. There was a level of resistance that grew over time.

When I first began using I thought I found the solution. It felt magical. I found myself not caring as much about being awkward in social situations. And not caring as much about letting others down. Though as the years went on, the using escalated and my hopes and dreams began passing me by, one by one. Using was the best I could do to not go crazy from the stress of not living my ambitions

In the end, the amount of using that needed to happen to keep the stress dampened destroyed my body from the inside out. Numbing out the stress of my unlived ambition didn’t make the stress go away it only gave me more to work on once I stopped.

Ways of Numbing and Escaping Ourselves.

I have been clean and in recovery from addiction for a decade now, but still, find myself trying to escape reality on the daily. From what I see, much of society seeks to escape reality compulsively on the daily.

In the last My Life Experiment article, we touched on the importance of setting aside time for relaxation. The troublesome thing is that these same methods that may be used for relaxation, can very easily turn into methods for numbing ourselves to current unwanted emotions.

Be it social media, Netflix, daydreaming, thinking, partying, reading, shopping, self-righteousness, worry, sex, sarcasm, anger, etc, etc.. The list goes on in on. My sponsor in recovery likes to say that a person can become addicted to anything they can do more than once. I tend to agree.

Maybe not all methods of numbing and emotional escapism have as severe consequences as the way I used chemicals, but they all have undesired consequences.

The Balance Between Relaxation and Escapism.

Numbing Escapism

A big consequence of too much escapism is having life thrown off balance. When binge-watching the latest series on Netflix we are generally not doing all sorts of important things I could be taking care of. When staring at our phones too often we are likely not getting as much quality time with my relationships. So, in turn, we miss out on new opportunities to grow and experiment with life.

Whenever a tool for relaxation interferes with other healthy desires too often, escaping may be the mission, not just relaxation.

I get it though, it is important to take ourselves off the grid throughout the day. Whether that be a little daydreaming, checking the phone, or having a good laugh with a friend. I don’t believe we as human beings are supposed to be ultra-productive every moment of our lives. That idea makes me cringe a little when I think of it.

So how can we know when we are Escaping rather than relaxing? There are some questions we can ask ourselves.

  • Am I spending too much time doing this activity?
  • Are there any important decisions I am putting off?
  • Is there a fear I am experiencing?
  • Do I feel like I am avoiding conversations with others?
  • Are my nerves on particularly high alert?

If these questions prove to ring true then there is probably some numbing out to escape reality going on. So it would be a helpful idea to take care of the problem area these questions are alluding to.

Seek Feeling Not Numbing.

It seems that some of the numbing we seek is to escape the fear of the future. Others to escape painful feelings of the past.

There are a couple things the past and future have in common. First of all, they do not exist, either anymore or not yet. Second, the only time the emotions about them exist is in the present moment.

The present is also the only place we can seek to escape them, as well as the only place that we can feel them. But we cannot feel them when compulsively seeking relief from them.

We need to slow down, let go and be vulnerable. Once we are able to calm our nerves and feel what we need to feel we can get back to the moment. Then we can get our thoughts and bodies back in a healthy relationship with our ambitious energy.

We all have our histories that have grief, trauma, and many other painful emotions. Getting in touch them is the only productive thing to do with them. Running away from them is not. They always catch up eventually. Attempts to escape them are fruitless, they don’t have to hunt us down like in the movies. They are right inside of us.

Feeling Not Numbing

Finding New Ways of Living.

Feeling these emotions is not enough though. Getting in touch with our ambition is not enough either. We need to decide to use this energy in a productive way.

When I entered recovery, I had all sorts of dysfunctional ways of behaving. I would guess that you are likely in a better position than I was. But even I was able to and continue to latch onto healthy new ways of behaving.

This requires letting go of the ways we waste our time and seek too much comfort from our ambition. Then both finding new friendships, hobbies, ideas to study and skills to learn. And most importantly finding better ways to bring value to the relationships we currently have.

There is no shortage of ways to be creative in our own little worlds. So my advice is to spread the energy around to many different areas. I would tell you what you should go have fun with but only you can figure out what brings you both challenge and pleasure for yourself. Have fun, my friend!

Well, that is all we have for today and thank you so much for stopping into My Life Experiment. What is written here has come from struggle and growth.
We sincerely wish you amazing success in developing a healthy relationship with all your ambitious energies.

 

It is our belief that if you take today’s lessons to heart and apply them, that you will greatly benefit. If you enjoyed what you read then I would love for you to do a couple things for us.

 

Move Through Trauma or Stand Still

*This article contains affiliate ads which are selling products on Amazon which My Life Experiment earns a commission for. I only promote products that are relevant to the purpose of this website of personal growth. These sales make it possible for My Life Experiment to run as successfully as possible.

I have been reading a book called “The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma” by Bessel Van Der Kolk. This book offers an incredible view of how our Brains and Bodies deal with the effects of Trauma. It walks you through the effects of trauma and how you can recover.

Even if you are someone who has never gone through trauma this book gives you insight as to what those who deal with it go through. But honestly, I feel far more people deal with serious trauma in their systems then are probably aware.

Healing Trauma Requires Feeling.

People can never get better without knowing what they know and feeling what they feel (pg. 27).

I have a tendency of downplaying my feelings, telling myself that other people have had it worse while trying to cast my feelings aside. And yes, others have endured far worse events in their lives but I can’t let this be the reason that I dismiss the emotions attached to the trauma I have gone through.

No matter what the situation may be, it is better to move through than stand still.

Downplaying what we are feeling is just a means of justifying not dealing with feelings and finding ways to avoid them. There are events that I would rather not recall and things that I have repressed and do not recall. But, there is such deep importance for me to deal with these feelings so I may free myself up to feel more like myself.

Acceptance and Having Purpose when Working Through Trauma Feelings.

We need to acknowledge, experience and bear the reality of life with all its pleasures and heartbreaks (pg. 27).

Without acknowledging, experiencing and bearing the full reality of life, I am truly stunting my own growth.

Acknowledging something whether good or bad brings a level of acceptance which keeps me out of the vicious cycle of denial. Acceptance is just the very beginning of healing.

Accepting makes it possible to experience my feelings again, whether good or bad. It takes me to the present where action can be taken to heal. To bear or move through emotions so that I may enjoy the pleasures of life for exactly what they are. 

I don’t have to live paralyzed by my past and miss out on the rest of my life. And, today I choose not to! Past events do not define me.

My life has a purpose today. Knowing this is a powerful tool that allows me to move beyond the past and live my life.

And as the Philosopher, Fredrich Nietzche states:  “He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.”

Meaning that with strong enough commitment to purpose comes the ability to work through any of life’s difficulties. Including the current emotional manifestations of past trauma.

Getting to Okay after Trauma.

I’ll be honest, it took me years to start dealing with the emotions that came along with the things that happened in my past.

I had to be open to confront, talk about, feel, and accept the things that had happened. For me, I had help from a psychologist and the recovery meetings that I attend on a regular basis. I was willing to be vulnerable and share honestly.

It was not easy and there are still moments where I feel hijacked by memories and emotions. I can feel scared all over again and it takes me a minute to realize that I am safe. Fight or flight becomes a real thing for me as a defense mechanism. It is our brains response to survival. Even trying to defend us when simply reliving trauma feelings in a relatively safe moment.

In the end, though I know that I am ok and I can move through these moments a lot faster than I did in my past. It can be done. It is not impossible to deal with trauma but it can be hard as hell.

I have to make the decision at the moment to move on and free myself from my past. It is not fair to myself to rob myself of the beautiful life that I know have. This choice, even though very painful at times, allowed me to move through and stop standing still.

As a result, my life has more of a positive outlook and fear does not rule me. I have freed myself from being stuck in the past. And I believe that if you are feeling stuck that you can find your way out as well.

Breaking out of Trauma

To buy the book The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma” click the link below!

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Well, that is all we have for today and thank you so much for stopping into My Life Experiment. What is written here has come from struggle and growth.
We truly believe that if you take today’s lessons to heart and apply them, that you will greatly benefit.

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Game Plan for Avoiding Postpartum Depression.

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Postpartum depression is something that affects from 1 to 7 of women after childbirth according to the American Psychological Association. 

One of the best moments of my life was when I held my little girl for the first time! At first, I was in shock and the next moment I fell in love. Also, when I looked into my husband’s eyes, I feel even more in love with him.

This has been one of the biggest transitional periods of my life but, it is worth every second!

In a way I feel as though I am going through a grieving process. I am letting go of the life of just my husband and me. Now we share our world with our new little girl, Ada.

I have gone through a lot in my life, which means several transitions.

-I left my old unhealthy life of using, to getting clean and finding a new way to live.

-I learned how to step out of physical and emotional isolation and went from hating myself to loving myself.

-I learned how to develop healthy relationships with others and maintain a life that I enjoy living.

These are all examples of significant transitions that I went through. But, none of these seem as big as the one that I am currently experiencing. Don’t get me wrong, I am so in love with this little girl that we brought into the world, and motherhood is simply amazing.

baby.jpg

My husband and I have waited a long time to meet her and she is everything that I could have ever dreamed of! That being said, our lives completely changed the moment she was born.

Now I am going through strong emotions and almost everything makes me cry. I have been able to laugh through most of these moments, which is extremely important. This lets me know that everything is truly okay and that I don’t need to let these feelings take over. With all of this there is definitely some fear that I feel.

I knew this event would change a lot of things for us. The other night I cried as I told my husband that I missed going to bed at the same time, as we take shifts so that we can both get some sleep.

Later I was able to laugh at myself! It is such a small thing in the grand scheme of everything.

I confessed that I was scared for when he goes back to work. I feel fear of course that things might be too hard by myself. Keeping myself accountable for my feelings and sharing them with him has helped me a tremendous amount.

Deep down I know that I can do this, that I am a great mother. I know that everything will be just fine when I am home alone with Ada. Sure, there are going to be some rough days but, I have more support than I could ever ask for.

So now I feel that it is important for me to have a plan in place so that I do not fall into postpartum depression. Postpartum depression is something that affects from 1 to 7 of women after childbirth according to the American Psychological Association. And this is not a state that I will be falling into!

Without a game plan I will lack structure, balance, and accountability. These three things have always been important for me to maintain a healthy balance in life. I have come up with a few things so far to help me obtain this goal.

1. Keep talking to others- because this gets the fear and anxiety out of my head. This allows me to receive feedback from others. It also allows other people to know how to be there for me. I need to let others know what I need right now so that they know I need their help.

2. Believe in myself- because this helps to eliminate self-doubt. I know that I can do this and that I am not alone. I am a good mother and that Ada has all that she needs. When things get tough, believing in myself will help me to see the other side.

3. Getting to meetings- because this has always been one thing that helps me to maintain consistent balance in my life. I can go there and share how I am feeling and I always leave feeling better than I did when I got there. I cannot use Ada as an excuse for not being able to get to a meeting!

4. Keep breathing- because this is something that helps me to relax. When I forget to breath I become wound up and I have no release of negative energy. Taking deep breaths keeps me in the moment, which is exactly where I need to be.

5. Enjoy the current moment for exactly what it is– because this allows me to stay away from falling into depression. When I focus on the current moment I am not worrying about everything else.

6. Making time for Travis and myself- because it is important for us to have our time together. Although every moment we spend with Ada is wonderful, we still need to have our moments together as well. Our date nights will still exist!

So far, I feel that I have come up with a great plan for myself. Making a practice out of it is the next step and positive results will come because of this, without a doubt.

If you are finding yourself in a similar position, first of all please find your supports. Don’t try to deal with this process alone. If that means professional support and finding the right medication, then go that route as well!

Thank you so much for stopping in to My Life Experiment today. If you enjoyed what you read then I would love for you to do a couple things for us.

  1. Please like and leave a comment below.
  2. Share this article on your social media.
  3. Join our email list, which will get you a copy of our Therapeutic Writing Guide, and have our new articles sent directly to your email.
  4. Follow our Facebook page!

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Hello, we are Travis and Casey Hagen the writer’s and owner’s of My Life Experiment. As recovering Individuals, we are no strangers to leaving behind dysfunctional ways of living. Over the years we have become adept at managing our intense mental and emotional worlds to find healing from the past, peace in the present and new ways to bring about success for our futures. There is plenty for us to share with you about finding better ways to live. So please follow us on our journey as we share what we know, and continue to share as we invitably learn more.

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Dealing With Disappointment.

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In this article we are going to discuss disappointment. This of course is a subject that all of us should be able to relate to, in some way or another.

What is Disappointment?

Oxford dictionary has disappointment defined as, “sadness or displeasure caused by the non-fulfillment of one’s hopes or expectations.”

Let’s face it, for all but probably a small percentage of the human population, the feeling of disappointment sucks. I think it would be difficult to learn to enjoy the feeling of the definition above.

The thing is, that the only way for me to experience success with is to take healthy risks. Taking risks always means the possibility of the risk not working out, and so possible disappointment.

When I think about the amount of disappointment I feel after a risk not working out, it is easy to see the relationship between disappointment and expectation.

Disappointment and Excitement for Outcomes.

The relationship between disappointment and expectation is like an equation to me. The amount of disappointment felt depends on the amount of expectation placed on a certain outcome. So, if I am really excited for a certain outcome, you better believe there will be a decent amount of disappointment if it doesn’t work out.

Of course, the inverse of this equation is also true. If I am not placing a lot of expectation on an outcome, I am likely to not be all that disappointed by it not coming together.

So here we have the solution to disappointment. All we have to do is not get too excited for having things go our way and we will never be too disappointed. Wait…. That sounds like a horrible way to go through life!

Disappointment and the Importance of Taking Risks.

When I first entered recovery, I was certainly not an excited guy, I was broken, and a nervous wreck. Many years of bottling up my potential had me needing to be on depression and anxiety medications. Before I got clean lived in a small world, killing myself with chemicals in an attempt to avoid the pain of not knowing how to live my life. Not taking healthy risks had a horrendous impact on my mental, physical and emotional health.

Disappointment RiskThe fact of the matter is that for me, if I am taking healthy risks I am going to feel stress. Also, if I am not taking sufficient healthy risks, I am going to build up stress anyway. As the stress builds in the background of my awareness consequences may come later as my brain seeks quick fixes for stress relief. And I probably won’t like the results of these quick fixes, that’s the reason I used so heavily.

So not taking risks as a way to avoid stress, ultimately ends up biting me in the butt. We are damned if we do and damned if we don’t. Taking a risk and using all this energy on my terms sounds like the best way to go. Life is much better when I am seeking new ways of growing, taking risks, and putting myself out there to be disappointed from time to time.

Since disappointment is unavoidable for the kind of life I desire. I need ways to help navigate disappointment to make sure it does not eat me alive or deter me from taking sufficient healthy risks.

Methods for Successfully Managing Disappointment:

1. Feel the Pain.

Where there is disappointment, there is pain. The pain might tell me I am a failure, stupid for taking the risk, or that someone else had it out for me. It is immensely important to get in touch with these painful emotions so they don’t keep me from taking risks in the future.

2. Social Support.

Having people I trust is very important for dealing with disappointment. They can help me see any kind of silver linings that I may not be able to see. These trusted people may also be able to affirm any positive traits in myself that I may be overlooking. Without solid social support we are truly missing out.

3. Gratitude.

I work on focusing on what I have to be grateful for. This could be done by either writing a gratitude list or just taking some time out to run through a list in my head. If the disappoint stings really bad, I don’t count on one gratitude session doing the trick. By taking a risk, I obviously wanted something more in my life. So, taking some time to remind myself that there are plenty of things to appreciate about my current life, can be highly therapeutic.

4. Having Patience.

I need to remind myself that heavy disappointment will not be worked through overnight. If I really had my heart set on an outcome and I didn’t get it, it is going to hurt. But keeping myself informed that I will feel better about it over time, helps a lot.

5. Giving credit for taking a risk.

It can be easy to become disheartened by a “failed risk,” maybe thinking it was stupid to waste time and resources. Reminding myself that putting myself out there to take a healthy risk is a commendable thing, is very important!

6. Focus on what can be learned.

Having taken the risk (even if it didn’t work out) I still gained some extra skills from the experience. The experience can also show me what didn’t work with the risk I took. If I examine what went wrong, I can possibly formulate another plan of action for the next risky attempt!

7. Get back to the basics.

While I am dealing with disappointment, the emotions can get in the way of being present in the relationships I currently am a part of. I find that when I make the effort to pump some of that energy that had me taking the risk into giving more to my marriage, my work, my family, that the disappointment doesn’t do as much damage to my mind.

Conclusion.

Disappointment OkayTaking healthy risks is an important part of my life. I do not see anything wrong with the strong desire to expand life and learn new things. I find that if I neglect to allow my energy to create in the world by taking healthy risks, this energy IS going to come out sideways in negative ways. This will make life much more difficult for myself and those around me!

As for all of you, I cannot say what risks you should be taking. Though I can say that if you are anything like me, you better be taking some. Life can be a beautiful thing, full of opportunity to expand, love, and learn. So on that note, GO GET SOME. It’s all going to be okay.

 

 

Thank you so much for stopping in to My Life Experiment today. If you enjoyed what you read then I would love for you to do a couple things for us!

  1. Please like and leave a comment below.
  2. Share this article on your social media.
  3. Join our email list, which will get you a copy of our Therapeutic Writing Guide, and have our new articles sent directly to your email.
  4. Follow our Facebook page!

Much love,

Travis Hagen

 

*Note that the advice given in this article is not meant to replace the role of Mental Health Professionals.

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Welcome! We are Travis and Casey Hagen, the writer’s and owner’s of My Life Experiment. As recovering Individuals, we are no strangers to leaving behind dysfunctional ways of living. Over the years we have become adept at managing our intense mental and emotional worlds. Finding healing from the past, peace in the present and new ways to bring about success for our futures. We promote Healthy Life Experimentation Principles for connecting with ourselves, our relationships, and finding healthier ways of bringing about success in our lives. Stick around and pick up what we have learned. You will not be disappointed.

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Painful Thoughts: The Art of Loving the Pain Away.

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Whether you have Mental Health issues or not, none of us are entirely loving of all the painful thoughts that roll through our heads.

In an earlier article on finding a way from Fear to Self-Love, a tip I gave was to simply tell the thoughts that I love them. Since then I have gotten positive reactions about the suggestion and find it important to delve into the concept a little further!

Thoughts of Loving or a Painful Nature.

Well wait, lets back track a bit! First of all, what in the world is a thought? Just Kidding! I’m not digging into that topic! there are plenty of different theories about what our thoughts are. I like theories plenty, but in this article, I am concerned only with the relationship I have with these thoughts.

Okay okay.. of course I am theorizing here when I say that I have a relationship with my thoughts. But it is an assumption that I feel safe with laying down here for you.

To say that I have a relationship with my thoughts lets you know that I don’t believe that I am my thoughts. I guess I also say that I have a relationship with myself as well. Does that mean that I am not myself? Whatever the case may be, I can love my thoughts, and I can love myself.  

My thoughts feel like the closest thing to me. Sometimes when I dive too deep into them, I have a hard time differentiating myself from them. These thoughts of mine come in a wide array of loudness, stickiness, lightness and all sorts of other qualities.

Thoughts can be peaceful, they can be violent, they can be a reflection of whatever emotion I currently may be feeling. Sometimes these thoughts are loving, and sometimes they are ready to cause pain in myself and others.

It is these painful thoughts that I want to put the attention on here. The happy go lucky, grateful, or content thoughts are a treat to for me to have. The painful thoughts are what give the trouble.

What are the Painful Thoughts?

The painful thoughts are the ones that have me in self-protection mode, looking for the ways that my surroundings might bring me harm (even in trustworthy and safe situations). These are the thoughts that have me building resentments against myself and others, as a way to justify isolating myself.

These painful thoughts might say something like this:

  1. You aren’t capable of doing that.
  2. Who do you think you are?
  3. Who do they think they are?
  4. Why is everybody else so screwed in the head?
  5. They are out to get me.
  6. I am such an idiot.
  7. That person isn’t good enough to hang with me.
  8. That dude needs a punch in the face.
  9. Who does he think he is looking at?
  10. I think the world would be better off without me.

All of the thoughts in this list have at least one thing in common to me, they are all coming from a body that is hurting and seeking to protect itself. As I see it, the thoughts that are coming from pain, are coming from emotional wounds. Wounds that are going to wreak havoc in subtle or even blatantly obvious ways.

It is easy to love my thoughts that feel good. Often times the painful thoughts are the ones I BELIEVE I shouldn’t be loving. Over my years in recovery though, I have found those are the flavor of thoughts that need love the most!

I Talk to the Pain.

When I am stuck in this type of thinking, I know that I am feeling hurt for some reason though I may not immediately notice this. I also likely won’t know where it is stemming from. I could already be isolating somewhat or being snippier to those around me before this comes to my attention.

But once I see that I am not feeling too hot, I can’t afford to turn away from the painful thinking. The spotlight needs to shine on that pain. I need to let it see that I am paying attention to it, and that I am not here to condemn it.

Then I can ask it some questions like:
  1. Are you okay buddy?
  2. What’s wrong?
  3. You know that everything is okay right?
  4. How can I help you?
  5. Is there a reason that you are hurting?

Showing loving respect to my thinking like this, creates the space for healing. By communicating with my thoughts, the emotion that is fueling the thought gets a chance to tell me about itself. It can tell me why it is hurting, and what I can do to help it out.

Sometimes I will communicate with my thoughts on paper, by writing in a therapeutic way. Other times I take care of it entirely inside of my own skull. And yes, I will even do it out loud when driving in the car from time to time! There is no shame in having a conversation with these thoughts that need attention. Just be careful that you don’t let these thoughts take you on a ride that you don’t want to go on.

Loving Painful Thoughts

Saying I love you to the Painful Thoughts.

When I am having painful thoughts like the ones I wrote above, I don’t always need to do an in-depth inventory with them to have healing. I have come to the realization, that simply telling these thoughts I love them has a positive impact.

I’m not saying that it will immediately make me feel better. What it will do is keep the pain from talking too loudly and getting out of control. It puts my body more at ease, reminding it that we are safe. Saying I love you to my thoughts often enough has helped me stay more closely in touch with the feeling of safety. And a safe body doesn’t feel the need to be on edge, ready to fight or flee! A safe body can relax.

These emotions also don’t go to my head when I let them know I love them, and that is fantastic! I spent a lot of my life totally lost in my pain filled thoughts without a good way to snap out of them. These days I get to have a positive relationship with my thinking a majority of the time. Letting my thoughts know that I love them where they are at, seems to help keep them from guiding my behavior into directions that cause me excess guilt. It lets them know that I am aware of their presence and that they are welcome here.

Quit Resisting the Painful Thoughts.

As the Psychologist Carl Jung once wrote “What we resist, persists;” I understand that saying I will welcome and love thoughts that can be disturbing and might seem dangerous. I also realize that doesn’t mean that I allow these painful thoughts to allow me to create even more pain in my world and others. But ignoring these thoughts or acting out on them brings the real danger! Loving them and giving them safe housing settles them down and lets the hurt that is packed inside of them to be felt. This leaves me to state the flip-side of what Carl Jung said, that “What we don’t resist, ceases to persist!”

I have deep gratitude for having come to this point in my life, where my mental health issues seem to be in a balanced state. My history with mental illness and the strides I have been able to make leads me to believe that anyone that is willing and ABLE to do the hard work can find their way to more mental and emotional stability. Though of course I realize that this work is far from easy. It is painful but in the end worth it.

Thank you so much for stopping in to My Life Experiment today. If you enjoyed what you read then I would love for you to do a couple things for us!

  1. Please Like and leave a comment below.
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Much Love, Travis Hagen

 

*Now if you are having difficulty condemning thoughts you are having, you are certainly not alone. If the thoughts are guiding you into acting out in problematic ways (excess chemical usage, bouts of anger or rage, self-harm, etc…), then PLEASE talk to a mental health professional. This guidance given here is not meant to replace support from a mental health professional or replace taking the proper medications.

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Hello, we are Travis and Casey Hagen the writer’s and owner’s of My Life Experiment. As recovering Individuals, we are no strangers to leaving behind dysfunctional ways of living. Over the years we have become adept at managing our intense mental and emotional worlds to find healing from the past, peace in the present and new ways to bring about success for our futures. There is plenty for us to share with you about finding better ways to live. So please follow us on our journey as we share what we know, and continue to share as we invitably learn more.

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Changing Our Thoughts From Fearful to Self-loving.

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Being able to work through fearful thoughts and return to a self-loving state is a beautiful thing. All of us that are capable of rational and sane thought has the ability to find this natural state of self-love.

Being an individual that has lived a life of addiction, recovery has made it necessary to learn this process. Here is my list of practical self-loving tips to help me let go and stay in my love, even when times feel rough.

1. Remind Ourselves that Our Thoughts and Emotions are not necessarily Reality.

This can be a difficult thing to grasp (especially when emotions are on high alert). It is also a freeing reality once this is grasped. When emotions are running high it can be easy to feel like the thoughts that feel out of control ARE reality. Getting ourselves to realize that these are just thoughts from hurting emotions can take a lot of the fear away.

It seems to me that fear, whether it is fear of a real or imagined event, is simply our bodies way of trying to get us to protect itself. This is all well and good when there is an actual threat. But it is not so necessary when there is no immediate danger.

When we are protecting ourselves from imaginary threats, there is only one person we are protecting ourselves against. That person is ourselves. Sure there is self-love involved with protecting ourselves from real threats. But being stuck in fear distorts our connection with reality. And being disconnected from reality takes its mental and emotional toll. Our way back into reality is to find our way back into a self-loving state.

please_do_not_feed_the_fears.jpg

2. Sincerely Tell the Thought “I love you.”

I find it a little strange how effective it can be to tell my thoughts that I love them. Saying I love you, to anything, can help us put my guards down. It is no different when we say this to our thoughts, no matter how unsafe they seem to be making us feel.

Saying I love you to the thought helps to see through it so that we can get some healing for the fear-filled energy that is trying to be felt. Of course, simply telling a heavily fearful thought I love you will not pacify it enough to make everything feel okay. We will need to sincerely tell the though I love you, and back that up by allowing ourselves to be vulnerable to its energies.

If there are deeply held fear fueling the thought, we may need to take our sincerity deep enough to bring about tears.

3. Just Breathe and don’t actively think at all.

When feeling overwhelmed at times, even saying I love you to thoughts can start a cascade of thinking that may be tough to handle. In these times dropping our thinking as much as possible until our minds have a chance to clear is probably best.

Putting our attention on mindful breathing, and feeling the sensations in our bodies can bring deep relaxation. And relaxation in these times is likely what we need. As our minds relax, our bodies can relax, thus creating a calm, maybe even serene state to our entire beings.

Initially, it may not be easy to surrender our thoughts and impulses the moment. But if we stick with it, the calm will come.

4. Talk to Someone that is Trusted.

Even if you are a take care of your own emotions as much as possible person like myself, trusting others is still a necessity for coping with fearful thinking. Sometimes our go-to self-soothing methods won’t take us to our impulses to a place of healing. In this case, having trusted individuals we can chat with is indispensable.

We can use the trusted people in our lives to help us calm down. As well as for working through our fear, relating with our pain, and reminding us that we are loved. There is a healing energy that is offered up when we become vulnerable with people that deeply care for us. Trying to do this life thing all alone is a silly thing. Loving ourselves, our thoughts and our emotions is much easier when we let people love us.

Allowing others to help us is one of the most self-loving things we can do for ourselves.

5. Take a Small Step in Taking Care of an Errand.

Getting behind on the priorities we have is a big cause of emotional turmoil. Sometimes the list of things that need attention seems so daunting. It can be easy to get stuck in feeling like it all needs to be done right now. And equally as easy to get too hard on ourselves because we are falling behind.

A great start to remedy this is to start a small to-do list. Simple enough right? The list doesn’t have to be complicated, simply list a few things that aren’t getting done, and commit to doing them.

Fear is a sign-post that will let us know that we need to get our butts in gear. It shows us that the proper preparations are not being made to have the type of life that we desire to live. Taking care of something that needs our attention may very well take the fear away.

Staying on top of our priorities is a highly self-loving thing to do.

Closing Thoughts.

Fear to Self-Loving

These are the habits I have developed to stay grounded in my love. Developing them so that I can be my best possible self. It helps keep me in my right mind and helps me in touch with my emotions.

Integrating these tips into our lives even when light fear is present, or when there isn’t fear at all makes it easier to practice when times are tough.

My hope is that this list can help you find self-loving results similar to the those that I have received in my life.

 

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Welcome! We are Travis and Casey Hagen, the writer’s and owner’s of My Life Experiment. As recovering Individuals, we are no strangers to leaving behind dysfunctional ways of living. Over the years we have become adept at managing our intense mental and emotional worlds. Finding healing from the past, peace in the present and new ways to bring about success for our futures. We promote Healthy Life Experimentation Principles for connecting with ourselves, our relationships, and finding healthier ways of bringing about success in our lives. Stick around and pick up what we have learned. You will not be disappointed.

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