5 Essential Ideas for Letting Things Go.

Letting go is not always an easy thing to do. Sometimes it’s the most painful thing we have to do, that is also necessary.

But what is it to let go, and how can we make this process easier on ourselves. Well, that is exactly what we are going to look into this article.

Letting Things Go?

To need to let go, obviously implies that we are holding onto something. There is an aspect of life, whether real or in our minds that we are trying to keep alive, and it is causing difficulty. If it wasn’t causing difficulty, then why give it up?

I find that letting go, is an action as well as a feeling. When holding onto something that isn’t right, it doesn’t feel good. Stress builds up, as well as mental-emotional disorientation.

But when we can finally shake loose from the experience, there is finally the possibility to find the feeling of freedom.

Letting go is something that only we can do for ourselves. Only by releasing our personal emotional attachment, can we free the energy our impulses have been pumping into it.

The things the Might Need to be Let go.

Us human beings are creatures that are very similar to one another. Though we may not be similar in the aspects of life which we need to let go. But rest assured, there are many things that each of us would do well to release. Some of those may be releasing themselves for our grasp as we speak.

To adapt and grow in this world, we need to find a connection. That could be a connection to others, to ourselves, to belief systems, to hobbies, to animals, to whatever. When we find a connection it provides stability, it allows us to find a place in this world we live in.

Maybe for a while these aspects of life we have found connection with, work well for us. But oftentimes their usefulness or presence fades, and we are forced to make a decision. To let them be in our lives, or let them go. Allowing ourselves to move on with our lives or deal with the consequences of holding onto what is now a fantasy, for too long.

What is needed to be released might be certain worrisome thoughts, certain opportunities, certain relationships, certain expectations, certain past times, certain areas that provided us with the feeling of sanity and protection amongst many other things.

It can be extremely difficult to let things go, but we can make it easier by having ways to work through this process.

Ways to Work Through the Process of Letting Things Go.

Life continues to move on, whether we like it or not. There is much to lose over the span of a lifetime. But holding onto what doesn’t work anymore, holds ourselves back from the beauty of this fluidly moving world.

The first step we need to take in letting things go is to stop engaging the thing that we must lose or have already lost.

1. Stop Engaging what Needs to go.

To stop engaging the things we are letting of means letting go on multiple levels. On the levels of physical interaction, mental interaction, and emotional interaction.

To physically stop involving ourselves with a person, a place, a thing, or an activity is, of course, an incredibly important step. By continuing to physically engage what needs to go, emotions that need processing, continue to be revved up.

Though when discontinuing contact, our mental-emotional worlds will still certainly need attention. Even if we can keep ourselves away physically, our thoughts, memories, and emotions will continue to remind us of what we think we are missing.

The more we allow these thoughts and emotions to pass, the more these impulses can begin interacting with new areas to grow. Instead of once again getting hooked into the strong “need” to reacquaint with the old.

2. Letting Go of Hope.

When focused on aspects of life that are good for us, hope is a tremendously beautiful, visionary, and important state of mind. It gives us reasons to keep working, even though we can’t yet see the results

But when hope is linked in with unworkable scenarios, the beauty of hope mutates into a potentially dark and delusional state.

Grieving is an essential piece of letting go. Especially if what we are having to send off into the sunset is deeply important to us. For grief to do its important work, we must give up hope for what getting back what is lost. But must also develop hope that our situation will once again get better.

Photo by Matt Lamers on Unsplash

3. Find New Areas to Place our Energies.

There is a great deal of energy left over when leaving unworkable situations behind. The more attached and committed we were to the relationship, the more energy that will be begging to be used.

This energy needs new homes, new things to do. Maybe that is getting back in touch with relationships and hobbies that have always been around. It also might be about embarking on entirely new journeys, with new hobbies and relationships.

It may be very difficult to want to do new things with energy that used to be dedicated to someone or something else. All of that energy could easily turn into a depressive state.

Whether it is easy for you to move on from what is being lost or not, staying active with healthy activities and people we help the process of letting things go, immensely.

4. Stay Focused on the Beauty of the Present.

When letting things go, it can be easy to get caught in regret and resentment. And why wouldn’t that be the case?

Time, energy, and effort were all given, and for some reason, in the end, it all didn’t work out. Don’t get me wrong, letting things go can flat out suck.

But even when going through the emotions of letting go, the world around us is full of life, beauty, and great possibilities. In times where I am needing to move on, I often remind myself that this present moment is perfect as it is. This reminder can help me realize that just because I am hurting, there is good all around me.

Giving some effort to being grateful for the present moment, life, relationships, health and anything else I can think of, is a worthwhile effort.

5. Look at the Loss with a Growth Mentality.

When having to let go, it can be easy to feel like time as entirely been wasted. Perhaps from time to time, we wind up spending too much time in a go-nowhere situation. But I assure you that the efforts can and at all costs should be learned from.

A long-time friend often says that we need to have the experience, learn the lesson, gain the wisdom, and do the next thing that is right for our own lives.

It is pointless in getting locked into anger, self-pity, regret, and resentment for what didn’t work. Every situation in our lives, whether it worked out or not, will teach us valuable lessons, if we remain teachable.

It is important to learn these lessons so that we don’t have to repeat them. Then we can better use our energy in the future, making new mistakes, and stumbling our way into success.

Getting on with Life.

Whether you are having trouble letting go of something, someone, some experience, or not, getting on with life is a good motto.

If you are having trouble, I feel you. In the worst cases like coping with death and long term relationship breakups, it can feel like life is all ending. There is always more to our stories though.

Pain in the short term will be alleviated by taking care of ourselves over the long-term. Life is short, so spending as little time as possible letting go is ideal. Just because life moves on, doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy it. In fact, I think that gives all the more reason to enjoy it! Don’t you?

Photo by averie woodard on Unsplash

That is all we have for today and thank you so much for stopping into My Life Experiment. What is written here has come from struggle and growth.

We sincerely wish you amazing success in letting go of people, places and experiences that no longer work for you. I offer you the challenge of applying what you have read here, as well as experimenting with your own healthy ways for letting things go.

We truly believe that if you take today’s lessons to heart and apply them, that you will greatly benefit.

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Finding Freedom by Offering Forgiveness to Others.

Forgiveness: What is it?

What is it to forgive? To forgive is to release the anger or resentment that is felt because of an offense, flaw or mistake. Forgiveness isn’t necessarily about reconciling relationships, though it could lead to that. But forgiveness most certainly is a decision we make to give ourselves the ability to let go. At some point throughout our lives, we are going to deal with making the decision to forgive or not. So why should we forgive?

Why Should We Forgive?

There is a great example of why forgiveness is so important in this article that tells the story of a mother’s journey to forgiving her only son’s killer. Imagine being in the position of having your child murdered, and eventually coming to a place where you could hug the person that so painfully changed your life. That is exactly what this mother was able to do. But why would she?

There are other extreme instances where individuals were able to forgive. After years of holding onto hatred and resentment, they are finally set free to take responsibility for those feelings. And with responsibility comes the ability to move on and take their lives back. There is tremendous freedom to be found in forgiveness. As the mother in the article states “I felt something leave me,” she said. “Instantly I knew all the hatred, bitterness and animosity — I knew it was gone.”

Forgiveness is for unchaining ourselves from the unnecessary weight of our painful pasts. So we may look to the future more clearly and optimistically. We don’t belong stuck in the past, reliving painful events over and over again. It is living mindfully in the present moment that we truly belong. But we must make the decision to release ourselves to a mindful present moment.

The Decision to Forgive.

Above, I stated that we will all come to a point in which we will need to forgive. Some versions of the following questions may arise for you here, such as. How do we know we are ready to forgive? Does this mean we are letting the offenders off the hook? These are valid and important questions.

Forgiveness does not mean we are forgetting or dismissing the actions of an offender. The act of forgiveness does not mean that we are letting the individual who hurt us off the hook. This is where setting boundaries with others comes into play. A boundary such as, just because I am forgiving this offense, I certainly will not be putting myself in a similar position with that individual again.

If the situation allows it we may be able to continue on with a relationship that is meaningful to us. Forgiveness is no walk in the park and there are many emotions involved that need attention and mending. Some of these include but are not limited to, anger, sadness, resentfulness, bitterness, revengefulness, and embarrassment. These are all completely normal reactions when we have been hurt.

The amount of pain that we feel can make the decision to forgive that much harder. We make this decision when we feel that we are ready. But there is a difference between feeling we are ready and believe we are ready to forgive. There are bodily impulses that may be begging us to forgive, sometimes for long periods of time before we learn how to listen. The louder the anger, the louder the anxiety, speaks to the desire of these impulses that are crying out for freedom.

 

Time to Forgive?

Here is a question to help figure out when it is time to forgive. How do I want to feel? For most people feelings of anger and resentfulness will not be on the top of the list of the way they want to feel, at least not consciously anyway.

Most people naturally want to feel good and these feeling states keep us feeling anything but that. When we choose to not be forgiving of others our happiness becomes a direct target. Being full of hatred and resentment can take over our lives, drain us from our happiness, and make us feel less purposeful. These feelings may spill over into all areas of our lives. Meaning that we won’t simply torture ourselves, but also cause an extra struggle for the people closest to us.

We know it is time when we want to rid ourselves of the powerful emotions that are holding us back from life.

Forgiveness is a Process.

This is a process and healing will come over time. Acknowledging how we feel versus ignoring it will greatly help our journey of forgiveness. Slowly we will start to feel the benefits as we begin to free up from the negative energy that we continue flowing through ourselves. In Steven Taylors article, “Are you ready to forgive”, he talks about four different phases of forgiveness that highlight this process.

1. Uncovering Phase- In the uncovering phase we are becoming aware of the impact the resentment we are holding is having on our lives.

2. Decision Phase- In the decision phase we come to a place where we decide that we are ready to take the step to forgive.

3. Work Phase- In the work phase we come to accept a certain amount of the reality of what has happened to us. It is here where we can begin to empathize with whoever has hurt us.

4. Deepening Phase- In the deepening phase we get to come to a deeper understanding of ourselves and our lives. Hopefully having life makes more sense with the responsibility we have found in taking our lives back.

 

Closing Thoughts.

Forgiveness is not easy, it is not desirable to be in a place where we need to give it. Although forgiving is not easy, it is necessary. It is necessary for giving back the ability to feel buried emotions and free our impulses to help us live more authentic lives.

If you find yourself in a position where you might need to forgive someone, give yourself a break. Remember how it is that you want to feel and slowly start taking steps from there. And like I said in the beginning, we are not meant to live in the past reliving the same feelings over and over. We owe ourselves the ability to reside peacefully in the present moment. Being forgiving of others won’t necessarily bring us the whole way but will at least point us in the right direction. And that is a big deal.

That is all we have for today and thank you so much for stopping into My Life Experiment. What is written here has come from struggle and growth. We wish you growth in your process of learning to be a more forgiving person.