Show Yourself some Compassionate Attention.

Don’t all of us need some compassionate attention from time to time?

We all have times when feelings are heavy. In these times I deeply believe that being too rough on ourselves isn’t in your or my best interest. What is in our best interests is attending to the emotions so we can back to living as productively as possible.

This is exactly where giving ourselves positive and compassionate attention comes into play. We can all use a little bit more of it. But we don’t have to wait around for others to give it to us, we need to make sure we give this gift to ourselves.

To Give Our Attention.

When we give our attention we are offering up a powerfully creative human faculty. It is truly no joke. What we place our attention on is where our creative energies will flow.

But not all attention is created equal or creates equally. The nature of the emotion and intention given through our attention ultimately decides the nature of our creations.

Our attention can create beauty as well as destruction. It can build-up, as well as tear down.

This is true no matter where we give our attention; whether that be in our jobs, families, friendships, and for the sake of this article, yourself and myself.

Self Compassionate Attention.

Like I said there are all sorts of different types of attention we can give. But in my experience, there is already enough focus in the world today on criticizing and tearing things down. Giving our impulses a little more positive attention can help us have a personal safe haven in a world that is obsessed with focusing on what’s wrong.

To show yourself compassionate attention is show up and attend to the reality of your present state of being. Not just showing up to focus on what is wrong though, but to focus on building yourself up, and taking care of business. It is a posture of our being that embraces bodily impulse with active listening, active blessing, and productive action.

Compassionate attention is about healing. When you heal emotionally you might be surprised at what you are led to do.

Your emotions need your attention. You aren’t weak for having them, in fact, there is a great deal of personal strength to be found through acknowledging and respecting them.

These important pieces of ourselves deserve the respect of our compassionate attention. By respecting them, you will find it much easier to respect yourself and be yourself.

Self-compassion for a Healthy Self-Relationship.

Showing ourselves compassionate attention is a way to develop a healthy relationship with our emotional impulses.

But why should you want to have a healthy relationship with these emotions?

Well, most of all they are great teachers. They hold the lessons of our lives. Without getting in touch with them, we are not able to fully come to know who we are.

Without coming to know ourselves we are left to wander throughout life. Maybe you will stumble your way into a successful situation from time to time without the discernment we achieve through self-knowledge. But from a healthy relationship with these impulses, you will be able to be more intentional and on point with the life decisions you make.

Compassionate Attention
Photo by Darius Bashar on Unsplash

5 Aspects of Showing Yourself Compassionate Attention.

There are some great reasons to practice compassionate attention, but you may be wondering how to do so.

Well lucky you, I have some sound information to help. Just keep reading.

1. Slow Your Roll.

Often times when we come to realize our impulses, they just don’t feel right. We may not feel all that in control of ourselves. Thoughts may be moving through our brains at an uncomfortable speed. You may find yourself being overly critical of self and others.

In this state, we need to slow our damn roll. I have sponsored many addicts throughout my recovery that have a problem with obsessing. Many times I have let one know that “it is time to revoke your thinking pass.” I know the danger of continuing thought processes when obsession is present because I have the same problem to deal with.

Now I know many of you reading this aren’t addicts, but from time to time every human spends some time stuck on being too hard on themselves. So slow your roll, take some deep breathes, put your mind on something else.

Getting back to a healthy place always begins with this act of self-compassion.

2. Surrender Self Directed Anger.

Anger is a natural part of life. But there is most certainly healthy outlets for anger, as well as unhealthy.

Letting the voice in your head put you down when feeling rough may feel difficult to stop. But it is also necessary and brings tremendous value for living a self-respectful life for which we can be truly proud.

To surrender this self-directed anger means doing a couple things.

First of all, you need to stop behaving in ways that are creating bad consequences for yourself and others. Next, you need to watch your mind. You need to keep your mind from getting overly negative. Not allowing it to become trapped in treating yourself and others negatively inside of that brain of yours.

You may believe there are no negative consequences from allowing negative thoughts to flow through your head. Maybe you believe that nobody gets hurt until they come out into reality. Are you kidding me? Negative cycles of thought allowed to fester inside our own heads are the root of all personal problems.

3. Focus on The Positives.

Focusing on the positives is a powerfully self-compassionate tool. Maybe they are the positives about ourselves. But it is also compassionate to our own troubled impulses, to take our attention off of them, and focus on something positive outside of ourselves.

When attempting to give attention to the positives, it may feel highly unnatural. When pissed off or sad, it is usually easier to overdo those emotions than to shift them to something to appreciate or be grateful for.

Everything good in our lives takes work. It doesn’t take much effort to focus on the negative, that comes naturally to many individuals like myself.

4. Give Yourself some Self-care.

To give ourselves self-care can be many different things. Sometimes self-care means detachment from certain responsibilities. Other times it is stepping up to take care of responsibility in a way we have been avoiding. A routine of self-care should be full of both of these aspects.

For our purpose here, to give ourselves compassionate attention is to be with our emotions in a way that fully respects them.

Maybe that comes through meditation, yoga, therapeutic writing or working out. It may come from a walk through nature. Whatever way you keep from judging your emotions too harshly, and appreciating their presence is beautifully self-compassionate.

5. Change what Needs to Change.

Often times though not every time, our troubled emotions are telling us to go forward and get shit done. Neglecting to take care of our responsibilities, in a sense, is a form of punishment performed on ourselves.

When we are able to slow our minds down and get in touch with ourselves, we will come to know what we should be doing. After knowing what we should be doing, the only compassionate thing to do is to get it done!

Not all compassionate attention involves focusing on emotions that are troubled. Much of getting in touch with emotions is to understand what we need to change in our lives. And in my experience, there is always something to change or improve.

Allowing our healthy impulses to live productively through us is a thing of beauty. It creates a sense of great satisfaction to know we are living on purpose and succeeding at being ourselves.

Compassionate Attention
Photo by Darius Bashar on Unsplash
Well, that is all we have for today and thank you so much for stopping into My Life Experiment. What is written here has come from struggle and growth.
We sincerely wish you amazing success in regularly showing yourself the compassionate attention that you deserve. I offer you the challenge of applying what you have read here, as well as experimenting with your own healthy ways of attending to yourself compassionately.
We truly believe that if you take today’s lessons to heart and apply them, that you will greatly benefit.

To see our Terms and Conditions click here


How to Prepare for Making Effective Snap Decisions.

Making snap decisions is something that we are all going to have to do at some point.

So what do we do at that moment, when this decision, that we wish we had time to mull over, doesn’t have time to be thought out?

What we do is rely on what we have learned about making snap decisions. Let’s take a deeper look and see if we can get ourselves prepared for when these times come.

Time for Decisions.

Responsible living requires that we make the best decisions we can in the time we are allowed. It requires that we do our due diligence to make sense of what we are facing, then make a decision.

These decisions that we make can be unforgiving. Once we make them and put them into action, there is generally no turning back.

Sometimes we have time to prepare for these decisions we have to face. But there are going to be many times in life wherein a moments notice, we will have to make an unexpected decision, that we were not prepared for.

Decision-Making Vs Impulsivity.

Our bodily impulses are energies that pulse throughout bodies and nudge us to take actions.

There is a similarity between making a snap decision, and acting on impulsivity. They are similar in the quickness in which they are deployed, which is, in a moments notice.

But there is also a glaring difference between the two. That difference being that one involves us making an active decision, while the other tends to be a quick habitual reaction.

Much of the time Impulsivity can get us into trouble, because of the lack of a conscious decision. But sometimes it is all that we have to work with. Sometimes there simply is not enough time to formulate a decision we intellectually know to be sound.

What we need to do is learn to meld the two together. Allowing our decision-making game to be on point in pressured moments, not allowing our impulses to entirely take control, but allowing them to act quickly with our conscious consent.

Making the Best Snap Decisions in Pressured Situations.

It is pressured situations that are most likely going to test our impulses and decision-making capabilities.

In situations that bring pressure to act, it is our hopefully informed impulses that we must rely on. If our impulses are not informed about the best possible decisions and actions to take, then we are in a bad place.

Here are some skills you may want to add to your routine so that when the time comes for snap decisions, you will be mentally and emotionally ready.

Snap Decision Routine
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash
1. Stay on Top of Everyday Routine Decisions.

The logic is simple, the more we neglect to take care of all the little decisions we need to make on a daily basis, the less good decision capability we will have in pressured moments.

Staying on top of our everyday routine decisions sets us up for success in moments where we need to think quickly.

To keep on top of these decisions we need to be aware of them. It is easy to forget all of the little decisions we need to make. This isn’t a complicated concept, get your schedule written down, in a book or on your phone. This way it will be easier for our brains to be focused on the present moment, and more agile to make snap decisions.

2. Be Aware of what is coming.

Having a keen awareness of what is coming up in life is a beautiful thing. But it isn’t a skill that is developed without effort. It also isn’t necessarily a difficult thing to practice.

The most difficult part about developing awareness for what is coming up in our lives is paying attention. With all the distractions we face, simply remembering to write upcoming events down in our schedules can be tough. Not complicated, but tough.

Making sure that we have these events written down gives us the opportunity to remember them. And if we can remember them, then we can give a little thought and imagination into envisioning how to be prepared.

Most of these upcoming events don’t require much thought, but giving a little thought, even to our routine events can shed light on how we can be best prepared. Being prepared makes it easier to make snap decisions when those situations arise. This goes for what could go wrong, but don’t forget to do this for being more productive as well.

3. Prepare for what is coming.

There is a reason that coaches and drill instructors have their people practice as rigorously as they do. It is because those small movements that need to be made to be successful in pressured moments, need to become a habit. They need to be able to be done without thinking about them. That is because in sports and in armed conflict, events unfold quickly, and having to think about each little action is a recipe for poor performance.

For our average daily lives, most of us aren’t purposely repeating behaviors over and over to perfect the movements. Outside the realm of public speaking, I have never really set up mock sessions so I could perfect the average movements I will need to make to not make a fool of myself. That could be a helpful thing to do I guess, but that seems a bit obsessive, and not at all up my alley.

I will often use imagination to practice future scenarios though. Doing this with a mind that isn’t overly stressed out and plenty stable can give a decently clear picture of what may come. In imagining the future event, we can think of certain ways the scene might turn out. And with thinking those circumstances out we can think of ways of counteracting what might unexpectedly happen.

This advice certainly must come with a warning though. We must remember that our imaginations are not reality. Just because our imagination leads us to expectations for certain outcomes, of course, doesn’t mean that is what is going to happen. We must remain mentally and emotionally flexible, don’t get trapped in rigid expectations.

4. Respect Upcoming Deadlines.

For as big of pains deadlines can be, they have a great deal of importance in bringing about positive results. Without deadlines, it can be much more difficult to spark action to get what needs to be done, done.

Deadlines create internal pressure for us, and this pressure of internal impulses is a great way to bring about creative results. Studies have shown that too little pressure, as well as too much pressure, are not good for creativity. Right in the middle though, there is a sweet spot of internal pressure that will help us churn out amazing solutions for any problem we may face. This phenomenon is called the Yerkes/Dodson Law.

If we don’t respect upcoming deadlines, we are irresponsibly setting ourselves up for trouble. There is a reason we feel the pressure when deadlines are fast approaching. That reason is that there is preparing left to do, we don’t feel ready, so our impulses push us to get informed.

When going into a situation we care about unprepared, the pressure can be immense. But sometimes even if we are well-prepared, the pressure will still be palpable.

Snap Decision Pressure
Photo by Christian Erfurt on Unsplash
5. Just Breathe and Focus on the Moment.

Too much pressure is not a good breeding ground for desired results. But there will definitely be times in our lives when the snap decisions we have to make will be highly pressurized.

We need to make sure we aren’t feeling like victims to the pressure. This internal pressure is not here to harm us, it is here to transform us.

If unprepared, intense moments may rattle our brains with too much stress. And as some of you may have heard we actually lose IQ points when in states of high stress.

In the process of preparing for events that are coming and while engaged with them, relaxing, breathing, and focusing on the moment are always helpful. When relaxed in the moment, we need not worry about screwing up, and what may harm us. Stress is able to fade or be used to fuel our prompt actions to handle the situation in front of us.

Closing Thoughts.

We are all going to find ourselves in situations where we will need to make a snap decision. And the habits written above will add to the likelihood of positive snap decision results. But no matter how prepared we are there will always be aspects that are unaccounted for.

We can only prep as much as we can. There is no need to overly obsess about what is coming up next. Room also needs to be made for our natural intelligences to flexibly take care of business in the moment!

Well, that is all we have for today and thank you so much for stopping into My Life Experiment. What is written here has come from struggle and growth.
We sincerely wish you amazing success in learning how to make effective snap decisions.
We truly believe that if you take today’s lessons to heart and apply them, that you will greatly benefit.

For more information about Decision Making from My Life Experiment, check out these articles.

-Practicing Discernment for Guiding our Lives Well.

-Importance of Proactive Decision Making.

Tips for Getting Life Off Default Mode.

Hey everybody. In this post, I’m talking to you about Living Life on Default Mode.

So, what is Default Mode?

Default Mode turns Creativity into a Devils Plaything.

Living this way requires no real creativity. This Psychology Today article claims that “Creativity of all types is a premier form of psychological adaptation.

Now I’m not just talking about just writing, drawing, and all that kind of creativity.

Creativity is simply about using our energy to affect change in the world in any form. Well. Change that goes along with the morals we adhere to of course.

If we create outside our morals, then there is the old saying “idle hands are the devil’s playthings.”

This is said to mean that when we don’t busy ourselves with productive things, we are likely going to start causing problems.

Addict Self-Destruction Begins with Default Living.

The problems can start innocent enough, maybe telling a few more fibs than usual. But, if the devil is allowed to play for too long the more the problems become increasingly troublesome.

I am an addict in recovery. Before I got clean, my problems were of high intensity. I was dying and harming those around me.

The years I was rapidly destroying my life, I don’t contribute to living life on Default. That was a different beast altogether. That’s what I call Addiction.

In recovery, I have heard the Disease of Addiction described as having to live an amped-up form of what it is to be human. This means the higher intensity of emotion, intensity of thinking, and intensity of desire. And let’s not forget the intensity of anxiety. By this logic, there also must be a high intensity of creative energy.

Actually, so much energy at times that I have no clue what to do with it. And all this energy, when not used responsibly becomes intense anxiety.

I mention my battle with addiction partly because that is what I have to deal with. Many others have there own energy burden to bare. I am fully aware that every human being has huge pools of creative energy. Whether an addict or not, that energy needs to find its way into the world.

Above I said that Life on Default is life in the comfort zone. Or maybe more like the habit of reducing anxiety to as much of a degree as possible.

Excessive Comfort Seeking can Turn into the habit of living on Default.

The dilemma I find is that whether I choose to create, or refuse to, there is going to be anxiety.

When I choose to create, I get the anxiety up front. Because to create is to challenge ourselves, and doing things that are challenging can be stressful.

The funny thing is that more often than not when I am sliding into Default Mode, it isn’t realized. I may fool myself into thinking that I don’t need to challenge myself like I once needed.

Even still, whether I know I am holding onto too much creative energy or not, there will be psychological consequences.

Over time that “old anxiety devil” begins talking more loudly, and guiding me to act in ways that may not be acceptable.

Now I hope you aren’t thinking that I am talking about some sort of evil possession. Just, that the unused creative energy is going to find a way to do so.

We seem to be back full circle to the area where I am in danger of addiction rearing its ugly head. Also in the spot where most human beings are going to find themselves working with unproductive stress.

This is likely the time when poor decisions find themselves being much more easily made.

If you are following up this point I hope you are getting the picture that being sufficiently creative is necessary for good health. And not creating sufficiently is hard on humans of all mental and emotional capacities.

A balance needs to be struck between being comfy and using our creative energies.

Committing to Live Life, not on Default.

In the last post I put out titled “Making the Commitment to Live Life”, I laid out my history with making positive commitments.

To tie that article into this article I think we need a list. A list of tips for staying in the right headspace for making positive commitments, and keeping ourselves in the driver’s seat of OUR CREATIVE ENERGY.

    1. Surround ourselves with healthy people that will push us to take healthy risks.
    2. Keep ourselves out of Fearful Thinking.
    3. Develop Self-Awareness to get in touch with our own Consciences.
    4. Use a Therapeutic Writing practice to stay in touch with our emotional states.
    5. Set aside relaxation time to recharge our own batteries.
    6. Develop as much Gratitude as possible.
    7. Share the gift of our creative energies with other people, be of service.
    8. Teach all that we learn, to others.
    9. Allow ourselves to stretch our abilities to learn new things.
    10. Take plenty of opportunities to just breathe and be cool with the present moment.

Using these tips basically every day of my life, I don’t know where I would be without them…

I have been able to guide a brain that so easily slides into insanity, and use it to create consistent success that I am very proud of living!

Well, that is all we have for today and thank you so much for stopping into My Life Experiment. What is written here has come from struggle and growth.
We truly believe that if you take today’s lessons to heart and apply them, that you will greatly benefit.

To see our Terms and Conditions click here